THE PENTAGON — Following guidance from the President and Secretary of Defense on rolling back the clock to simpler times, a spokesperson for the Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Personnel has announced a new recruiting strategy targeting prospective Black recruits.

“All the DEI nonsense muddied the waters of where Black merit traditionally lies in the military, and as President Trump and Secretary Hegseth have made clear, those days are over,” said Army Maj. Braxton Bedford Benning. “So we want to invite young Black Americans to consider serving their country as their forebears did back when warfighters were warfighters, in noble roles like cooks and truck drivers.”

Benning noted that the Pentagon saw immediate results when it soft-launched the new strategy in a few key locations to gauge its effects.