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Private swarmed by women wanting cut of that sweet E-2 pay

FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — A soldier was swarmed by gold-digging women wanting a piece of his lavish pay earlier today, sources confirmed.

“It was crazy,” said Pvt. Darren Wright. “I tried to sneak off but a woman saw me and started screaming ‘Money! Take care of my kids!’ I tried to run but they were too fast.”

Sources confirmed the moment Wright stepped off base he was surrounded by gorgeous women in a manner similar to a feeding frenzy. Fortunately, Wright was able to remember the warnings his first sergeant gave him and recognized what was happening.

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