The following is a Point/Counterpoint concerning whether the rank of Sergeant Major should be continued to be utilized in the United States Armed Forces. 2nd Lt. Matthew McGobbel will be presenting the point and Sgt. Maj. John Gibbons will be authoring the counterpoint.

POINT: Hey Sergeant Major, you have a second? I'm here to tell you all the things that your first sergeants are apparently afraid to.

Yeah it's cool, you can stand at ease. I know it's tough being a balding, middle-aged man with destroyed knees from too many combat jumps and a weird, froggy voice somewhere between Mr. Toad and a half-assed impersonation of R. Lee Ermey. I know that you hate coming home every day to a 400-pound wife, teenage kids that hate you and a dog that pees on the rug. And I certainly know how much you love motorcycle safety and swimming in designated areas, because you keep us past 1800 with a no-kidding 60 minute safety brief! And on the Thursday of a four-day weekend no less!

Heck, just this morning you walked past my platoon doing kettle-bell PT and said with self-satisfied sarcasm: "Well I don't remember reading that in the battalion physical fitness plan." You know what also isn't in the battalion physical fitness plan? Me with your daughter, doin' the dirty. Hey-O!