FORT IRWIN, Calif. — Pfc. Amanda Richards surprised peers and superiors alike when she emerged from six weeks “in the box” at the National Training Center with an eerie hollowness in her eyes and a necklace of Donovian ears, sources confirmed today.

“Here at the National Training Center, we provide America’s soldiers with the highest quality, most realistic training available,” said Brig. Gen. Geoffrey Broadway, NTC Commander. “As they use the newest technologies to face the intense challenges of the profession of arms, they emerge as better fighters, better teams, and better prepared for complex…what the fuck? She did what? God almighty. How did she even do that? God help us all.”

National Training Center Rotations are designed to place soldiers in austere environment where they can develop new techniques, tactics, and procedures, while honing strengths and identifying weaknesses. Soldiers assigned to play opposing forces, or OPFOR, use tactics of notional countries such as Atropia or Donovia.