WASHINGTON — The Biden Administration has reprimanded Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin for abusing Walter Reed's sick call appointments to get out of attending the 2024 State of the Union Address and other White House meetings.

Caught red-handed playing Helldivers 2 in his barracks room on Friday, the secretary scrambled to find an on-the-spot excuse as the president stood at the door berating him.

“So what about that appointment Austin, you look like you’re feeling better huh?” demanded President Biden, according to senior administration officials.

“Um sir, the appointment was canceled so I was just going to head in after chow,” Austin stuttered to an indignant president. “I told Mayorkas to give me notes aft…,” he gasped before being interrupted by the Commander in Chief.