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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Friday, 25 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Duffel Blog

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

25 September 2026

1801 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

Sergeant Major goes on rampage after office equipment refuses to obey

Filed · 1543

BATTALION HQ — The Battalion Sergeant Major completely lost it on a number of inanimate objects this morning, in a rampage stemming from problems that began with his desktop computer, sources confirmed.

Marines were seen fleeing the command deck as the sergeant major took a fire axe to every electronic device in the office.

Witnesses reported hearing him scream expletives about belligerent printers and an inability to log on to any web site related to the Marine Corps.

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