New Dependent Card
$4.99
Congratulations on your new fireteam member.
Celebrate the arrival of the newest member of your unit—now with 100% more crying, pooping, and housing allowance eligibility. The New Dependent card delivers military-grade sarcasm and heartwarming sentiment in one perfectly grumpy little package.
Featuring a baby in full camo with an expression that says, “I didn’t enlist for this,” this greeting card is perfect for baby showers, first-time parents, or that buddy who just found out leave is now code for “diaper duty.”
Details:
• Printed on heavyweight 350 g/m² paperboard
• Toner-based printing with vibrant, cry-resistant colors
• Includes a complimentary envelope, perfect for stuffing with commissary coupons or emergency Motrin
Perfect for:
• Military parents
• Unit-wide baby announcements
• Reminding your buddy they now answer to a chain of command with no logic or mercy
Report for cuddles. Commence the chaos.
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Morale products for troops, veterans, and people who know this meeting could have been an email.
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Item description
Recommended for:
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Field notes
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PX loadout
Frequently issued together
A small kit of adjacent morale supplies, pre-checked for anyone who wants command climate in bulk.
Curated kit
PX Bulletin
Morale impact not independently verified.
Approved for staff meetings, airport terminals, and pretending this deployment makes strategic sense.
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