UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, Texas- A soldier participating in Jade Helm is disappointed to learn the military is not actually imposing martial law and taking over Texas, sources confirmed.

Sergeant 1st Class James Peterson, an elite special operator taking part in one of the largest SOCOM training exercises on US soil, expressed his disappointment that Jade Helm is an actual training exercise. "I was super stoked when we got off the bird in Lubbock. I've been listening to Alex Jones for weeks, and it finally felt like it was really going to happen this time," said Peterson.

Friends close to Peterson stated that he's "always been ready to help install Obama as the first Fuehrer of America," friend Abby Sawyer said. "He really bought into the Fox News rhetoric calling the President a Nazi. I don't think he understands that Fox News is kind of like Nickelodeon for right-wing adults. It keeps them entertained but doesn't really offer anything of substance."