COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — A new study from the Air Force Academy Metal Flying Things Research Center has found that 77% of the Air Force is unfit for service in the real world.

“Airmen are delicate beings that have very creative minds and can’t be bothered with strict rules and regulations. We found that a majority were just not ready to enter civilian service,” said Lt. Col. Mike Humphrey, the research center’s deputy director, after several attempts to reach Flying Things Director of Research, Col. Amy Brighton, were unsuccessful as she was working from home, in Costa Rica.

Humprey added: “So we decided to create a new program to support transitioning airmen to the real world, which we call Independent Airmen Master for Supportive Occupational Future Transition.”

According to officials, IAMSOFT is geared toward teaching airmen the critical skills they need for the next stage in life. Classes on core subjects such as resume building, interviewing techniques, and what to do when there aren’t fresh donuts at work every morning are paired with targeted electives like a two-hour block of instruction for officers on how to adjust their chairs when the reclining mechanism is broken and there isn’t an E-3 around to fix it.