WASHINGTON — A groundbreaking study released today has revealed that the Department of Veterans Affairs is significantly less effective at providing relief to military veterans when compared to drugs and alcohol.

The comprehensive report, titled "Escaping the Battle: A Comparative Study of VA Efficacy versus Substance Abuse," highlights that while the VA continues to spend billions of dollars on healthcare programs, many veterans report that a six-pack of beer or a tightly rolled joint offers a quicker solution to their problems.

"Our findings were pretty clear,” said Dr. Jeremiah Staunton, who led the study. “When it comes to immediate stress relief, emotional numbing, and forgetting one's military trauma, drugs and alcohol outperform VA services by a landslide. One veteran even mentioned that his local bartender has never once put him on hold."

The study surveyed 1,000 veterans, asking them to rate their experiences with VA healthcare services, prescription medications, and various forms of self-medication, including but not limited to alcohol, cannabis, and 'whatever people on TikTok are doing these days.’'