According to a new Department of Defense study into the effects of climate change on military operations, rising sea levels could inconvenience thousands of warrant officers lounging on the beach during the middle of the workday.
“Many warrant officers return to the exact same beach to relax every afternoon when they’re supposed to be at the office,” one of the study’s authors Dr. Maria Triano said. “Even a one-foot rise in sea level could destroy over half of warrant officers’ favorite sections of beach, forcing them to find other places to avoid work, which honestly they don’t need to deal with at this point in their career.”
The endangered warrant officer species has already seen its habitat reduced by prohibitions on going to the bar outside the front gate before 12pm and security cameras behind the supply shed where they used to hang out and smoke cigarettes.
