WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) released a new report this week claiming the likelihood of the Thai army attempting a coup d'état was incredibly low, sources confirmed today.

“Using our extensive network of human intelligence sources and comprehensive signals intercepts to look into the political situation in Thailand," reads the executive summary of the report, obtained by Duffel Blog, "we believe the Thai government is stable and has the faith of both the Thai citizens and military.”

In a press conference, DIA Director Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn seemed unaware that Thai Gen. Prayuth Chan-ocha overthrew the elected government on May 22, and placed the country under martial law. Gen. Chan-ocha’s motivations are not yet clear but many speculate he was angered the cost of a hamburger had risen above 12 cents.