WASHINGTON—Presidential candidate and military prep school veteran Donald Trump was revealed this morning to actually be Russian President Vladimir Putin wearing an outlandish hairpiece. The revelation came after weeks of investigation by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the State Department.
“We really can’t comment at this time,” said FBI spokeswoman Michael P. Kortan, “except to say that Trump is definitely Prime Minister Putin. This is strictly off the record, but you can quote me on that. And this investigation has nothing to do with the fact that in most polls, Trump would handily win over any Democrat opponent. The FBI is not at all a political organization.”
Kortan then added that she would take any questions about the investigation into the Tea Party.
