MIAMI — The first wave of American troops made landfall in Venezuela this morning, seizing control of the nation’s strategic booty reserves on the outskirts of Caracas, U.S. Southern Command confirmed.

Ground forces encountered little resistance at La Guaira, thanks in part to noncombatants distracting Bolivarian Armed Forces troops with cocuy and arepas at 0400.

The beachhead assault follows the recent controversial discovery of big booty Latinas (BBLs) being transported aboard a Venezuelan vessel.

“It is imperative that the possession of BBLs does not remain in the hands of a despot like Nicolás Maduro,” said Secretary of State Marco Rubio.