THE PENTAGON — Sources close to the Joint Chiefs have confirmed that an elite team of military logisticians plans to send the U.S. military’s most revolting meals, ready-to-eat, or ‘MREs,’ disguised in Chinse packaging to Russian troops.

“This is psychological warfare. We’re talking about shit that people won’t even eat at Ranger School - the in-person version” said one source. “This will be a literal gutshot to the Russians.”

Russian soldiers embarking on the callous, unprovoked attack into sovereign Ukraine have encountered a number of setbacks fueled by a lack of fuel, officers who give zero fucks about them, really bad intelligence, apparently even worse training, and a mountain of shit who calls himself their commander-in-chief.