SEATTLE, Wash. — A startup consisting of retired members of the E4 Mafia has developed a new way to experience coffee: by exposing it to the alcoholic wastelands of veteran innards.
The discovery was accidental—as most discoveries involving retired E4s are. A strange series of events involving alcohol, fuzzy slippers, and $100 bet ended in the first iteration of the new coffee beans, now dubbed “Able Beans.”
“We were all in the same company in Iraq—Able Company,” said co-founder Ted Geller, proud of the originality in their naming conventions.
The Able Beans flagship variety enjoys a long four-day process, beginning when medically retired shammers ingest the beans after a 24-hour juice fast.
