BOULDER, CO - A former Marine was arrested Monday for stopping morning traffic on the Denver-Boulder Turnpike, in an apparent attempt to call in an Explosive Ordnance Disposal unit to clear the road.

"He didn't appear to be crazy," reported Colorado State Patrol Sheriff Ralph Sparkowitz. "In fact, a few of my men were a little confused and actually started to follow his instructions to post security at his six- and nine-o'-clock."

Susie Johnson, a bank manager on her way to work at First National Bank, felt the former Marine had the situation completely under control.

"I never really thought about it before, but animal carcassas really would make a great place for hiding a bomb," admitted Johnson. "And those insurgents will stop at nothing to take our freedom!"