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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 119 · Monday, 5 October 2026

Navy & Marines

Lincoln sailor returning from deployment already broke

Financial counselors unable to determine where approximately 10 months of pay went

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

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Vol. 15 · No. 119

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Duffel Blog

Established 2012 · Deployed worldwide

Vol. 15 · No. 119 · Deployed worldwide

Monday

5 October 2026

2346 Zulu

Next edition Wednesday

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Veterans · Page 2

Veteran decides to start running again, next Thursday morning

Filed · 1543

PORTLAND, OR — Earlier today, local Army veteran Thomas Swanson made the mental decision to pick up running again, but not today. He will likely begin next Thursday morning, or maybe Saturday, depending on how early he wakes up.

"I've really gotten out of shape, man," said Swanson, a former paratrooper who used to sometimes run six miles a day.

Swanson, a now-275 lb overweight man proud to be a former member of the 82nd Airborne who once had washboard abs, spoke with reporters from his mother's basement while surrounded by exercise equipment only used by physically-fit spiders.

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