The Snellville chapter of the Veterans of Foreign Wars in Georgia delayed the start of its bingo night until a fat guy with a beard showed up, sources confirmed today.

“We can’t start until we fill out our checklist,” post quartermaster Roger Hornswaggle said as he passed out bingo sheets to the rowdy crowd. “We have a list of people that must attend to ensure proper veteran representation.”

“Every crowd of veterans has strict requirements,” Hornswaggle continued. “There must be at least one jacked guy, someone wearing a moto t-shirt, an active duty E-6, two women, one pair cargo shorts, and a weird old guy. It’s written right here in our charter. Once everyone’s here someone will get upset about paying dues. Then we’ll play the National Anthem.”