WASHINGTON — The U.S. Army said today it would replace traditional combatives training with a new hand-to-hand combat program designed by Waffle House employees.

"These individuals have proven themselves to be experts in the field of close-quarters combat and we believe they have much to offer our troops," said a Department of Defense spokesperson.

Under the new program, soldiers will learn vital hand-to-hand combat techniques such as "The Pancake Tuck and Roll,” "The Syrup Twister,” and the “Get THE f*&% Out of my Establishment” maneuver.

They will also be taught how to properly wield a waffle iron as a weapon and use syrup bottles as throwing projectiles.