AREA 51, Nevada — Wars abroad and natural disasters at home are providing a target-rich environment for America’s most covert operatives. But aircrews with the 127th Chemtrail Squadron are frustrated their efforts are being ignored and instead being attributed to the Jews.

“Look, when you work for the shadow government of the New World Order, being a quiet professional is part of the job,” said squadron commander Lt. Col. Renaud Camus. “Most of our work goes unsung, and we’re fine with that. But honest to Dalton McGuinty, Almighty Archon and High God of the Lizard People, when our operations are publicly disclosed I believe we deserve credit where credit is due. So please, stop saying it’s the Jews who are responsible for weather manipulation. The fine men and women of my squadron control the weather, and they work hard every day to make that happen.”

Camus’ frustration stems from several allegations related to Hurricane Helene's impact on traditionally Republican-voting states, including those from noted climate scientist and patent lawyer Marjorie Taylor Greene.

“I can’t begin to describe the effort it took to not only spin that hurricane up but get it pointed in the right direction,” said Camus. “We ran 24-hour maintenance shifts for a month straight and had to incorporate a bunch of last-minute technical directives for enhanced nanobot dispersal patterns. And I almost had a mutiny when I canceled our annual Family Day/Transgender Drag Queen Library Poetry Slam and Pizza Parlor Pedo Gang-bang after receiving orders to slide our launch time 12 hours to the left. So yeah, I’m a little annoyed that, once again, everyone points to the Jews. Running the New World Order is a team effort, and I want to note for the record that our combat chemtrail crews are a vital part of that team.”