ERLANGER, KY. – Activist, comedian, director, television host, and dick joke expert Jon Stewart was seen yelling at veterans in a parking lot at the Tampa, FL Veterans Administration (VA) hospital on August 1, part of an apparent personal campaign to ensure every veteran in America is aware of the benefits now available to them under The Sergeant First Class Heath Robinson Honoring our Promise to Address Comprehensive Toxics (PACT) Act.

“I don’t know man, I was just headed in to pick up my hemorrhoid medication,” said Larry Beltower, a medically retired Marine Staff Sgt. “All of a sudden, fucking Jon Stewart is up in my face yelling about ‘there’s no deadline to apply for PACT Act benefits, but those who file a claim or submit their intention to file by Aug. 9, 2023, may receive benefits backdated to Aug. 10, 2022.’”

Beltower, who acknowledges he “hates admin shit,” did say he felt compelled to visit www.dav.org after Stewart followed him home and physically forced him into the chair in front of the computer he normally uses to “do my own research”. Most of Beltower’s research, his search history reveals, involves arguing about “hot anime girls” on Reddit, but he said Stewart convinced him to stop typing “Arotira Pendragon in a metal bikini” long enough to secure critical benefits related to issues he’s had as a result of toxic exposure.