Archive - Duffel Blog

Iran rebranded 'Pepsistan' in new Pepsi-Pentagon strategic partnership

U.S. military now powered by freedom, capitalism, and high-fructose corn syrup

20 hrs ago •

The Ghost of Jimmy Carter

VA launches negative disability ratings to fill budget gaps

“They’re going to charge me for ‘significant reduction in BMI’ due to losing my leg,” one veteran said.

Jul 9 •

The Ghost of Jimmy Carter

C-5 on Ramstein ramp spends entire World War III in timeout

Strategic airlift mission replaced by strategic pub crawl

Jul 7 •

Medal of Dishonor

This July 4th, remember to honor veterans who lost limbs last July 4th

Officials urge Americans to keep all limbs attached until at least July 5th

Jul 4 •

Hegseth renames USNS Harvey Milk to USNS James Earl Ray, but a different one

Says move is part of broader strategy to ‘de-gay the gray hulls.’

Jul 2 •

June 2025

Noem visit to LA troops ends in gunfire, K-9 fatality

DHS Secretary insists dog was ‘out of regs and possibly liberal.’

Jun 30 •

Grandma just wants to know if that was you dropping bombs on Iran

Family sources confirm she also believes you’re in charge of NORAD.

Jun 27 •

US accidentally re-invades Iraq

Troops surprised to find old combat outposts still smell like Axe body spray

Jun 25 •

Army birthday parade sparks rediscovery of Von Steuben’s pimp-step parade doctrine

Lost doctrine finally answers the age-old question: What if marching was fabulous?

Jun 23 •

Navy finishes retrofitting F/A-18s with periscopes, torpedoes

After decades of dominating air superiority, Navy shifts focus to dominating water mediocrity.

Jun 20 •

Army Secretary decries 'PowerPoint in parade form' for Trump's birthday

Senior leaders cite “mission creep,” cosplay mishaps, and energy drinks as key factors in birthday parade debacle.

Jun 18 •

After Israel attacks Iran, IndoPacom commander starts hiding missiles under bed

“I’m not letting those goddamn CENTCOM punks steal from me again,” said Adm. Samuel Paparo. “Not this time. Not ever.”

Jun 16 •

#nojs-banner { position: fixed; bottom: 0; left: 0; padding: 16px 16px 16px 32px; width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; background: red; color: white; font-family: -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 13px; } #nojs-banner a { color: inherit; text-decoration: underline; } This site requires JavaScript to run correctly. Please turn on JavaScript or unblock scripts