Archive - Duffel Blog

Noem visit to LA troops ends in gunfire, K-9 fatality

DHS Secretary insists dog was ‘out of regs and possibly liberal.’

8 hrs ago •

Grandma just wants to know if that was you dropping bombs on Iran

Family sources confirm she also believes you’re in charge of NORAD.

Jun 27 •

US accidentally re-invades Iraq

Troops surprised to find old combat outposts still smell like Axe body spray

Jun 25 •

Army birthday parade sparks rediscovery of Von Steuben’s pimp-step parade doctrine

Lost doctrine finally answers the age-old question: What if marching was fabulous?

Jun 23 •

Navy finishes retrofitting F/A-18s with periscopes, torpedoes

After decades of dominating air superiority, Navy shifts focus to dominating water mediocrity.

Jun 20 •

Army Secretary decries 'PowerPoint in parade form' for Trump's birthday

Senior leaders cite “mission creep,” cosplay mishaps, and energy drinks as key factors in birthday parade debacle.

Jun 18 •

After Israel attacks Iran, IndoPacom commander starts hiding missiles under bed

“I’m not letting those goddamn CENTCOM punks steal from me again,” said Adm. Samuel Paparo. “Not this time. Not ever.”

Jun 16 •

Trump declines parade march, citing sudden bone spur flare-up

Insists he's ‘more injured than most heroes’ after learning parade route involves walking.

Jun 14 •

New Air Force One denied security clearance due to excessive foreign connections

Jet claims it was just being polite when Qatari royals “kept climbing inside.”

Jun 13 •

Fort Irwin to be renamed Fort Hitler

Army insists it’s “a completely different Hitler,” citing strong Union loyalty and bratwurst recipes.

Jun 11 •

Duffel Blog Staff

Basic bitch goes to Basic Training

Johnson single-handedly organized a supply run for pumpkin spice latte MREs (Meals, Ready-to-Eat).

Jun 9 •

Duffel Blog Staff

Elon Musk awarded Bronze Star for accomplishing nothing

“While he achieved literally none of his stated objectives, the PowerPoint slides were clean, and he cc’d a lot of people.”

Jun 6 •

Clay Beyersdorfer

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