This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Donald Rumsfeld refuses to live in a world without war in Afghanistan
Goodnight, sweet prince.
WASHINGTON — Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld died on Wednesday after he decided he could no longer live in a world without endless war in Afghanistan.
“He couldn’t take it, not after what they did to the Iraq War, too,” said friend and former Vice President Dick Cheney. “No father wants to outlive his children.”
Born in Chicago, Illinois, Rumsfeld graduated from Princeton University in 1954 and went on to serve as a U.S. Navy pilot for three years, where he earned the callsign “Captain Morgan” after then-Ensign Don “Rummy” Rumsfeld drank an entire handle of the infamous pirate liquor and shit his pants. He won a seat in Congress in 1962 and later became the youngest and oldest defense secretary in history.
More Stories
Staff command works hard to accomplish nothing
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Pentagon unveils ‘Send Someone Else’ campaign for Iran war supporters
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Trump strikes deal to buy precision missiles from North Korea
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Air Force IG uncovers SNACKOs taking kickbacks from Big Insulin
R.J. Williams
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Pentagon facing dangerous shortage of fucks given
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Opinion: Listen up, assholes. Turn in your excess cruise missiles or everybody stays in formation
Bull Winkle
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