EAGLE PASS, TX - The federal government has averted a constituional crisis by tricking the Texas National Guard into leaving a potential border flashpoint with an inflatable fake Hooters restaurant and liquor store installed nearby.

With an end to the standdown with the Border Patrol, the Biden administration touted the success of “Operation Knockers,” aptly named by an oddly sweaty President Biden who spoke to the issue during a White House press conference. “We are happy to bring an end to this without violence. We knew these National Guard soldiers wouldn’t be able to pass up the chance to get some cigarettes and Zyn before going next door for some cold brews and - ahem - entertainment.”