Spouses gather for Ft. Cavazos Morale, Welfare, and Recreation “Wife Draft” event

FORT CAVAZOS, Texas — The announcement last week that all criminal charges of sexual abuse were dropped against Col. Jon Meredith has paved the way for Ft. Cavazos leadership to revive the Prima Nocta rite of English feudal lords. Effective immediately, the ancient custom entitles commanders to one night of sexual ‘dibs’ upon the spouses of subordinates.

“This decision was based on an assessment of the many factors guiding every commander in deciding the appropriateness of alternative dispensations,” said III Corps Spokesperson, Lt. Col. Whitney Wurdzalad. “Ft. Cavazos leadership, assesses this incentive as likely to help retain our most virile officers. Plus, it seems like hijinks are going to happen around ‘The Great Place’ anyway, so if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!”