HONOLULU — Former Representative and current self-appointed savior of the nation Tulsi Gabbard was spotted today doing cartwheels down Kalakaua Avenue, apparently elated by her newfound opportunity to delete any and all evidence that might link her to Russia. Witnesses reported that she was seen cackling that her “prayers to Saint Snowden have finally been answered.”
After updating Gabbard’s Wikipedia page to erase her history with known Russian disinformation, Gabbard’s staff released a statement: “Former Representative Gabbard has never and will never be associated with any foreign entity. The mere suggestion is preposterous, and the recent digital cleansing is purely coincidental. We’d ask that you also forget her involvement in the Science of Identity Foundation, which is totally not a cult.”
Meanwhile, local IT professionals have been baffled by a sudden surge in job listings for “data sanitization experts” and “memory hole technicians” in the D.C. area.
