Duffel Blog

Share this post
Coast Guard's birthday promises to have boatloads of wine coolers
www.duffelblog.com

Coast Guard's birthday promises to have boatloads of wine coolers

Seas the day!

Aug 3, 2021
5
2
Share this post
Coast Guard's birthday promises to have boatloads of wine coolers
www.duffelblog.com
No wake zone

By As for Class

The Coast Guard has announced a party to end all parties, as every Coast Guard installation is being sent boatloads of wine coolers to kick off the um-teenth birthday of the USCG.

“Gosh, we’re pretty serious about this thing,” said John Sumpter, a Coast Guard spokesman.

“We’ve been making the cooks prepare deviled eggs for days. There’s going to be goldfish party trays, scavenger hunts and a unicorn floatie race. I heard a rumor we are renting chocolate fountains. Even this year’s theme is epic, Seas the Day!”

The celebration will be different from previous Coast Guard birthdays, which did not allow the consumption of alcohol and stuck to the annual Under the Sea theme, complete with paper mache jellyfish and arts and crafts stations. 

Share

This year there are rumors that Coast Guardsman had “scored” some high-grade “party favors” though senior defense officials said the innuendo likely originated from aides in the office of Commandant Adm. Karl Schultz in a bid to drive up att…

This post is for paid subscribers

Already a paid subscriber? Sign in
© 2022 Duffel Blog LLC
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Publish on Substack Get the app
Substack is the home for great writing