THE PENTAGON — After declaring an end to Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) programs across the military, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is now apparently realizing the program's value, especially if an office presents him with a reasonably secure job opportunity, sources confirmed today.

According to senior defense officials, Hegseth is aware of accusations of incompetence from multiple sectors. Amid rumors that the administration is “quietly looking to replace” him, the secretary likewise seeks an exit strategy.

With that in mind, Hegseth recently noticed a GS-15 level DEI Coordinator position at the National Guard Bureau (NGB) that is “coincidentally vacant.” Sources say that the secretary considers it “just plain good luck” that the incumbent at the job took the early retirement buy-out that the secretary encouraged earlier this year.

Hegseth reportedly considers the open NGB DEI position “a landing pad as soft as his favorite leather chair at Fox News” in case he gets fired. He thinks the job may be challenging, but still easier than “coordinating the media for an impending strike by text or dealing with a bunch of wimpy-ass allies,” he reportedly said.