Kids’ Choice Awards names War on Terror 'Coolest War for Kids'

Afghan villagers excited to once again be focus of American attention

A slime-covered but victorious Nasrullah Shadazai rejoices.

NEW YORK CITY, N.Y. — Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards has selected the Global War on Terror as the winner of its annual “Coolest War for Kids” award for a record 23rd year in a row.

“Whether it’s the ability to get blown up in an errant drone strike, or pick up a rifle after nap time and pop some skulls, the War on Terror has always kept kids in mind,” the citation read. “And it has the coolest video games.”

Hosts John Cena and Amanda Bynes presented the coveted orange blimp trophy to some Afghan villagers after ceremonially planting an IED in the roadside then dousing the village in green slime. The slime-covered village elder seemed confused but pleasantly surprised to receive such an honor.

”I was only a child when this war began and won its first Kids’ Choice Award,” he said, teary-eyed. “Now that I am approaching thirty-five years of age, well past middle age in my country, It is beautiful to see my children still bringing home the prestigious Nickelodeon blimp that I fought for in my youth.”