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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Duffel Blog

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

1059 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

Milley opens 'Joint Chiefs' cannabis shop outside Fort Myer gate

"Bro! 'High Command' bro! Get it? High Command!"

Filed · 1249

Sooooooooooo chill RN, bruh.

ARLINGTON, Va. - Recently-retired Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and head of all US armed forces, Gen. Mark Milley, today opened the doors to his next chapter - a cannabis dispensary called “The Joint Chiefs of Stash.”

You don’t earn this badge, you vibe it.

“I am suuuuuuper baked right now, man,” Milley stated while exhaling after holding in a drag for an alarmingly long period. “Oh yeah, you wanted me to talk about my pot shop, yeah. It’s cool, huh [indecipherable coughing]?”

Between monster bong hits, coughing fits, and snacking on a bowl of Sour Patch Kids and Honey Nut Cheerios, Milley described his creative, quirky line of military-themed products.

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