THE WHITE HOUSE — During a brief press conference scheduled between 10:00 am and 4:00 pm for no specific reason whatsoever, President Joe Biden quietly admitted today that the Gaza pier announced with much fanfare in March, would — again — be disassembled and likely not replaced.

“God save the Queen, man, but we tried our best to alleviate the suffering of those Carthaginians there in the Plaza Strip,” said Biden. “But folks, here’s the deal. You’ve seen my national security decisions for the last four years and let’s be honest, how else did you think this was going turn out? Like there was a plan? Do I look like a guy with a plan? No, seriously, Jill, do I have a plan? And were we talking Infrastructure Week or about those feisty Abyssinians again? Right, the pier. Pier 1, folks, you literally gotta check out their unbeatable selection of furniture at wallet-friendly prices. Tell ‘em Joe sent you!”

Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin took over the microphone briefly as President Biden checked all his pockets for his wallet.