NORFOLK — Multiple witnesses confirmed that a toddler was seen wandering on Amphibious Drive at Naval Base Little Creek earlier today. Bystanders however could not confirm whether it was a lost child from the Child Development Center or their new executive officer (XO).

Occurring just after nap time, the toddler reportedly was holding what looked like orders but also might have been a crayon illustration of a stegosaurus driving a monster truck. When base security approached the member, the subject waved at them, shit his pants, and then threw a rock at the security vehicle.

“I wasn’t sure if he waved or saluted, either way, I saluted back and asked if he needed to know where the wardroom was or if he wanted some milk from his baba,” said MP officer Jerry Knox, who first encountered the confident-yet-seemingly-lost individual.