ANNAPOLIS, MD — The United States Navy is currently testing aircraft carriers powered solely by wind turbines announced Secretary of the Navy Carlos Del Toro during a recent appearance at the US Naval Academy.

The Secretary proudly spoke to the Midshipmen about the historic change. “We are embarking in a bold green direction, transitioning from the aging nuclear reactors of yesterday to the efficient use of sustainable wind energy, something we’ve never done before!”

Asked about dissent from members of House Armed Services Committee members who expressed disbelief that this is even real or could be effective in any measure, Del Toro characterized the congressmen as “far-right climate-change-denying deplorables.”

Del Toro said naval engineers have been working around the clock, experimenting with bringing back the use of wind to propel ships.

One senior engineer informed reporters that the first trials included a large sail, but that interfered with aircraft taking off and landing. Still, Chief Engineer Michael Lane emphasized the benefits of the plan. “Removing the nuclear reactor brings the added benefit of additional space.” He added excitedly, “This extra space will allow us to increase the size of the officer quarters by up to 34%.” Asked about the possibility of using the extra space to increase the quality of life for enlisted service members, Lane snorted audibly.

Chief Acquisitions Officer Patrick Malone gave details about the results of the testing and further plans for expanded fielding. “The USS Al Gore will be complete with testing in late 2024. Initial testing has revealed a substantial decrease in speed which has only made the already dangerous take-off and landing exponentially more so. The upside is, fewer planes taking off and landing means fewer emissions threatening air quality.”