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Author: Danger Close

Here to Provide You With Only the Alternative FactsLogo done by Dillion Stratton: https://www.instagram.com/thestarvingcartoonist/ https://www.teepublic.com/user/saltytees
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BANGOR, Wash. — Defense Secretary Jim Mattis gave a motivational speech to sailors at Naval Base Kitsap last week in which he told them they should be proud of their service, since they were “not pu–ies sitting on the sidelines,” but instead were “pu–ies sitting on a boat,” sources confirmed today. After drinking several bottles […]
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DARWIN, Texas — Many aspiring Marines do everything they can to embrace their future career, but Zachary Greenville takes it one step further: Counting down his days until his end of active-duty service. “Watching boot camp videos on YouTube and making Recruit Training graduation calendars is boot shit,” Greenville, a poolee in the Corps’ delayed entry program, […]
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WASHINGTON — Defense Secretary Jim Mattis has signed an order formally recognizing the Jalapeno cheese spread found in meals, ready-to-eat as currency at all DoD facilities. The move was long overdue for many service members who saw it as a staple of military trades. Supporters said it would undermine the E-4 Mafia’s monopoly on the cheese spread and reduce […]
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