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Author: Paul Sharpe

Paul is a former Marine grunt with eight years of experience — specializing in snapping necks and cashing checks. He enjoys blowing things up, making people laugh, and hardcore gangster rap music.
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THE PENTAGON — Defense Department officials stressed that military aviation was “not a crisis” just hours after presidential helicopter Marine One crashed into the The White House, sources confirmed today. The latest in a string of aircraft mishaps happened late Monday, when a Sikorsky VH-60N helicopter operated by Marine Helicopter Squadron One (HMX-1) crashed directly […]
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THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense is warning female service members that they could face harsh punishment if they are caught wearing dinosaur hand puppets while being sexually assaulted by male colleagues, sources confirmed today. Pentagon spokeswoman Dana White told reporters in a press briefing Wednesday that women in uniform are to be held […]
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WASHINGTON — Department of Veterans Affairs Secretary David Shulkin forgot to fire himself despite promising to rid his agency of corruption and mismanagement, sources confirmed today. “I’m taking this opportunity to right the department and remove employees who have served themselves instead of our nation’s veterans,” Shulkin told reporters, in between being fanned by aides […]
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