DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Rudyard Kipling gives your weekend safety brief

If yer 'eadin' down to 'Ay Street To 'ave a bit a fun Be sure to take sheepguts, Pretect yerself my son Be sure to cover John Thomas before diving in the minge Be sure to wrap yer willie On porter and pie you'll binge

'Fore ya drink yerself stupid Well, stupider than ya are Make sure ya got a DD 'Fore gettin' in the car Make sure you ain't drivin' On this your career'll 'inge Make sure the cherry has the keys On porter and pie you'll binge

If a motored cycle is how Ya get yerself 'round Put on a helmet, ijit Lest ya hit the ground Put on a brain bucket Head inj'ries make me cringe Protect yer empty melon On porter and pie you'll binge

One last thing, lads 'Fore ya go out ta whore Have an escape plan 'Fore crossing through her door Know where the exits are When ya wake up in the dinge Get the fook outta there On porter and pie you'll binge