WASHINGTON — The Department of the Army has launched a new pilot outreach initiative called “Relatable Resilience,” which aims to deliver essential training and readiness messages through “culturally resonant cringefluencers” with “verified Instagram accounts and court cases that wrapped this month,” officials confirmed today.

Their first hire? Freshly acquitted music mogul and occasional motivational speaker, Sean “Diddy” Combs, to deliver this weekend’s safety brief.

“This is about modernizing our messaging and meeting Gen Z where they are,” said Lt. Col. Kat Hrafn, public affairs officer for Army Human Resource Command. "If young troops will listen to a guy who once made contestants walk across the Brooklyn Bridge for cheesecake, then that’s our guy."

The pre-recorded safety brief was broadcast across all major installations Friday morning. It was introduced by Sgt. Maj. Michael Jackson of the Talent Alignment and Development Directorate, U.S. Army Human Resources Command, who told viewers to “clap like we’re at a strip club,” before reminding soldiers that the message they were about to receive “was cleared through legal and moral support channels.”