FORT BRAGG — U.S. Army Reserve Command today unveiled a new recruiting slogan after officials concluded their previous campaign had failed to resonate with younger Americans.

Beginning next battle assembly, the Army Reserve will officially adopt “Nothing we do today is more important than lunch” as its new recruiting motto.

“We tried ‘It’s Your Time,’” said Maj. Tyler Hooker of USARC’s advertising team. “It turns out Gen Z doesn’t believe anyone is handing them anything — not jobs, not houses, and definitely not free time.”

According to Hooker, a market research study conducted over a single drill weekend found younger Americans were primarily interested in the Reserve as an opportunity to experience active duty without accidentally becoming active duty.

“Well, shit,” recalled Col. Mark Bravo after reviewing the results. “That was basically the Army Reserve before Sept. 11.”

The study also found that junior reservists ranked the primary benefits of service as wearing the uniform, accomplishing as little work as possible before 1130, and collecting a free lunch.

“To be fair,” Bravo said, “that’s also a pretty accurate description of active duty.”

Researchers noted there are plenty of civilian jobs where employees accomplish very little, but few provide free uniforms, government travel, and the possibility of spending three hours discussing a PowerPoint presentation over lunch at P.F. Chang’s or Twin Peaks.

Hooker said the campaign’s breakthrough came midway through a briefing when Maj. John Boros interrupted the presentation.

“Knock off all this briefing nonsense,” Boros reportedly said. “Let’s get down to business. Where are we eating lunch?”

The room fell silent.

“Then he looked around and said, ‘Nothing we do today is more important than lunch,’” Hooker recalled. “Colonel Bravo immediately stood up and yelled, ‘That’s it! Print the posters!’”

Bravo defended the slogan as refreshingly honest.

“We’re not saying we don’t accomplish important things,” he said. “We’re simply acknowledging that lunch consistently outranks all of them.”

Bravo admitted leadership briefly considered bringing back the Army’s iconic “Be All You Can Be” campaign before deciding against it.

“That slogan let people project whatever dream they wanted onto military service,” Bravo said. “Our new one tells them exactly what they’re getting.”

At press time, the slogan rollout had been postponed because the working group assigned to finalize it was still out to lunch.