THE PENTAGON — After months of indirect support, sanctions, and mean tweets, the United States has shocked the world by announcing that it will upgrade its support of the conflict in Ukraine by invading Iraq.
“It’s the last thing Russia would expect,” said Air Force Brig. Gen. Patrick Ryder, the Pentagon’s top spokesman. “This will open up a second front without escalating us toward open war with Russia. That’s what our nerds in the basement have sworn. We’ve been saving this maneuver for some time. We call it one of the classics for a reason. If there’s one thing our military can do with efficiency, it’s invade Iraq.”
As preparations for the invasion move forward, the American people are divided on how to feel about it. Some are excited at the prospect of another military victory, while others are simply confused.
"I'm all for supporting Ukraine, but why Iraq?" asked one skeptic. "I thought we were trying to get out of the Middle East. Didn’t that foreign policy sort of… you know… fail for decades?”
