- Duffel Blog
- New Miss America eager to "bomb the shit out of the enemies of America".
New Miss America eager to "bomb the shit out of the enemies of America".
DEI advocates excited to see beauty queens represented in air-to-air combat
First in your hearts AND to ram an AIM-120 up your ass
ORLANDO, Fla. — When asked what she planned to do after being crowned Miss America at Disney World on Sunday night, Air Force 2nd Lt. Madison Marsh shouted through a preternaturally wide smile made of glistening lips and ivory white teeth, “I’m going to fly an F-16 and bomb the shit out of the enemies of America, worldwide!”
Marsh is a recent Air Force Academy graduate who represented Colorado in the Miss America contest. She’s also one of the few active-duty second lieutenants with a kick-ass Wikipedia bio.
“Four percent of our contestants this year are on active duty,” said Marsh, who competed alongside Miss Washington’s Army Sgt. Vanessa Munson. “Women make up 16 percent of the military,” she observed. “We’ve got a long way to go to bring pageants to the battlefield where they are critically underrepresented.”
“CEO Robin Fleming proposed a ‘50% RIF’ cage match,” Marsh told an Air Force News reporter regarding rumored concerns from pageant officials about the militarization of beauty contests. “Sgt. Munson liked the idea because she’s trained in combatives. I liked the idea because the referee was a LOAC expert.”
“I guess Ms. Fleming was expecting a catfight,” said Marsh as she adjusted her crown. “But when I asked to use chaff & flare, and Sgt. Munson asked for grenades, she decided both of us could vie for the title.”
Attending the pageant was retired Air Force Col. Kim Campbell, another academy grad with a kick-ass Wikipedia bio. “I’m rooting for you to bomb the shit out of terrorists,” she told Marsh in an Air Force News interview. “Tell them your call sign is ‘Her Majesty’ and turn them all into red splats. Write my name on a JDAM and send it air express. You go, girl!”
Marsh proffered a ‘cute salute’ and the two pilots executed a “Top Gun” high-five maneuver.
Air Force News asked Campbell if she had any advice for Marsh. “Just don’t get a wing shot off,” she said. “TRACON doesn’t like it when you RTB for an IFE with RPG damage.”
Campbell hopes Marsh will compete next for a coveted Russian crown. “Give her a chance to shoot down MiGs over Kozhevnia so Ukraine can award her the Lidya Litvyak Trophy,” she said. “And skip ‘Flight of the Valkyries’ when you dogfight the Russians. Play Pussy Riot. Putin hates that band.”
Robin Berger is a retired Air Force NCO who shops at the commissary every month as required by law.
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