WASHINGTON — Benevolence and compassion won the day as the Pentagon announced that the United States Space Force will be allowed to sleep indoors tonight due to the unusually cold weather gripping much of the country by the balls.

The decision comes as temperatures across the nation plunge to record lows, and meteorologists warn of risks of frostbite and hypothermia, especially to external appendages and digits.

Usually stationed in their high-tech but frigid launch bunkers and orbital command centers, the Space Force has often endured harsh conditions as no one really wants the Space Force indoors because they’re all “just so fucking weird,” according to one retired Marine Corps officer on condition of “No, tell them my name. It’s General Mattis. And this is to be placed on the official record: The. Space. Force. Is. Weird. There, I said it. We were all thinking it.”

“Given the extreme cold, we thought it only humane to let the Space Force come inside for the night,” said Pentagon spokesperson Lt. Col. Frost Nipply. “After all, even our bravest Guardians need a… man, did they really name themselves the Guardians?”

“I know! They should have called themselves the Space Marines. Or mobile infantry!” General Mattis butted in. “It was right there, and they dropped the ball. Are you sure we really want them to be allowed inside? Maybe freezing a few of them to death would do them some good. Teach them a thing or two about hardship. Endurance.”

While most military branches have permanent and well-equipped indoor facilities, the Space Force has been notably minimalist in its approach. Their temporary quarters, often more suited for a Mars mission than an Earth winter, reflect the branch’s focus on adaptability and preparedness for extraterrestrial environments. And the budget that keeps being allocated to billion-dollar space technologies.

“We were ready to rough it as usual,” said Guardian Groot-Class Gaius Baltar, Space Force operations officer. “But this gesture really boosts our morale and shows that the Pentagon recognizes our unique challenges.”