Intel whistleblower accuses director of national intelligence of being Tulsi Gabbard
Officials deny claim, insist DNI ‘almost certainly a man’
4 min read
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Hegseth saves billions by using green screen, pretending to invade countries
Pentagon says outcomes ‘indistinguishable’ from real wars
3 min read
Comic Sans named official font of Department of War
Pentagon says change will improve lethality, readability, and morale
4 min read
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Marine almost went finance but ‘would have punched a managing director’
"I almost got my MBA. Totally wanted to. But my dad wanted me to kill the enemies of America.”
4 min read
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ICE recruiters complain not enough candidates fail the ASVAB
Agency warns talent pool ‘dangerously close to functional literacy’
4 min read
Navy admits it’s been making up enlisted ranks this whole time
Service says prank began as jab at George Washington and ‘just got out of hand’
5 min read
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Opinion: My 'come and take them' tattoo was about my rights, not guns
Also, some rights matter more than others, and I trust law enforcement to decide which
4 min read
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Vet T-shirt company releases ‘shall be infringed’ line
Company says shift reflects ‘evolving understanding of constitutional rights’
3 min read
Chief’s ‘sea stories’ include at least 4 felonies
Junior sailors unsure whether to laugh, report to NCIS, or contact The Hague
4 min read
Trump beats Danish prime minister to death with Nobel peace prize
White House says incident reflects ‘evolving interpretation of peace’
3 min read
Fuck! You left your I.D. Card in your computer
One minor mistake triggers cascading operational collapse
4 min read
Senior service college initiates new curriculum in strategic gaslighting
Course promises senior leaders ‘complete narrative dominance’ and zero accountability
5 min read
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Report: Venezuela strike ordered after Maduro ‘failed weight standards’
Defense secretary reportedly cites ‘global lack of standards’ as destabilizing force
3 min read
Top 10 countries Trump will send you to attack rather than release the Epstein files
White House sources say ‘bombing foreigners’ remains preferred transparency substitute
6 min read
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Nicolás Maduro to return in Avengers: Doomsday
Marvel says former Venezuelan leader brings ‘authentic menace’ to next film.
4 min read
Trump adds his own name to Vietnam memorial
President says wall ‘needed a winner’ and ‘a little more gold’
4 min read
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5 reasons this war for oil will be better than the last war for oil, and the one before that
Administration says it has ‘learned valuable lessons’ and ‘stopped pretending’
4 min read
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Trump offers Maduro pardon for three kilos of cocaine
President says deal would be ‘tremendous,’ ‘very fair,’ and ‘honestly a win for everyone’
3 min read
Military websites undergo annual update to make them worse
“We’re working hard to make the SIPR sites you need the most confusing piles of shit imaginable," an official said.
3 min read
Pentagon strikes 'narco-terrorist' sleigh, reindeer off Venezuela coast
Notorious home invader finally neutralized in Christmas Eve strike, officials say.
4 min read
Hegseth blames fog of war after wrapping car around tree
Pentagon staff unsure whether to update safety briefs or call a meteorologist.
3 min read
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Most powerful military in history mobilized to arrest guy washing dishes
Pentagon confirms use of 47,000 troops, 92 aircraft, and 13 general officers to oversee the operation.
3 min read
Defense Security Cooperation Agency replaced by Office of Cool Knives from the PX
Critics question strategic value of switchblade diplomacy.
4 min read
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Nation that doesn’t care about Russian war crimes also doesn’t care about American war crimes
“Unless it tastes good or looks cool, I am completely out of fucks to give,” said one citizen.
4 min read
Hegseth attends Army-Navy game in full pads
Defense Secretary insists he's “ready if they need me."
4 min read
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