TRUE PATRIOT! Local veteran supports whatever random thing Trump is doing in Middle East right now
Detroit, Mich. — With the communists in Congress engaged in the worst witch hunt in history, it can seem like loyalty to the President is...
Duffel Blog — Page 2 of 154 — The American Military's Most Trusted News Source
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Hotels in Iran deemed unsuitable for Air Force deployment needs
TEHRAN, Iran — An Air Force feasibility study has revealed that Iran has no hotels that meet the high standards for housing U.S. Air Force...
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Meet Jeff and Tina, Cyber Command’s new senior executives for network defense
FORT MEADE, Md. — U.S. CYBERCOM is saying “Watch out, China and Russia!” because the new faces of cyber warfare lethality are hot shots Jeff...
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Iranian tourist killed by American strike in Baghdad
BAGHDAD — An Iranian tourist was killed by an American airstrike in Baghdad on Thursday night, further inflaming relations between the United States and Iran....
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82nd soldiers excited to paint rocks in Iraq for next few months
BAGHDAD, Iraq — Ohhhh snap, it’s on! Yeah, you heard right. IT. IS. ON! We all done sent the 82 Airborne and they’re ripping into...
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DoD-wide audit calls bullshit on every Legion of Merit ever awarded
ARLINGTON, Va. – The Pentagon has released the results of an internal investigation into the Department of Defense’s awards process. Most noteworthy, the report found...
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Kuwait to become 51st State
WASHINGTON, D.C. – At a surprise press conference in the Rose Garden this morning, White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham announced that the United States...
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REVEALED: Hearing test buttons send electric shock to nipples of detained terrorists
YOUR LOCAL BASE CLINIC — Shocking documents reveal that the little button on the hearing test clicker is actually a direct line to the nipples...
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Artillery tries out new ‘OK Boomer!’ motto
FORT SILL, Okla. – The Excellent Fires Center of Excellence announced Tuesday “Ok boomer” would be the school’s new motto. “Every time I ask the...
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NORTHCOM cubicle farm grows record number of colonels
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — The 2019 growing season produced a bumper crop of cubicle colonels, U.S. Northern Command announced today. “We’re proud to report that...
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West Point to offer online degrees and credit for service
WEST POINT, N.Y. — The U.S. Military Academy at West Point will offer online degrees and college credits for military service and life experience beginning...
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Officer on death bed wishes he’d spent more time with his training schedule
ARLINGTON, Va. — Harking back to his long ago days on active duty, retired Army Maj. Todd Andrews said he wished he had spent more...
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Trump asks for declaration of war on Settlers of Catan
MYSTICAL ISLAND OF CATAN – President Donald Trump asked Congress to declare war on the Settlers of Catan, sources report. The dispute began when the...
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Space Force trainees excited to explore weightless masturbation
WASHINGTON — Volunteers for the U.S. Space Force (USSF) have been overwhelmed with a hyperactive desire to know exactly what will happen when they finally...
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Pentagon finally admits ‘God Bless the USA’ is a fucking terrible song
WASHINGTON — The Afghanistan Papers contained many shocking revelations, but none more surprising than the behind-the-scene admission by senior Pentagon officials that Lee Greenwood’s “God...
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Staff Sergeant dodges deployment to avoid Star Wars viewing
FORT IRWIN — Staff Sgt. Darren Eden has reportedly turned down a 6 month deployment to an “undisclosed location in Southwest Asia” in order to...
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New joint cyber camo just pixelated dicks
FORT MEADE, Md. — The Defense Department unveiled its first joint utilities uniform, approved for all service members staffing cyber missions. The “Combined Uniform Camouflage”...
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US kills mid-level Taliban commander, wins war
KANDAHAR, Afghanistan — After an Operation Resolute Support announcement this morning claiming that a drone strike has killed Abu Nacheez, a mid-level Taliban commander active...
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Point/Counterpoint: Participation trophies are for the weak/Thank me for my service!
The following are essays penned by Jason Wiseman, a mid-level logistics coordinator for a major corporation and former Army Air Defense Artillery officer who served...
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SHOCK: Army admits flu shot paperwork keeps getting lost because it wants you to die
FORT LEAVENWORTH — The Army has admitted to losing your flu shot paperwork because it wants you to die. Like, for realz. The Army was...
