Style Guide

Welcome to the Duffel Blog Style Guide. Since 2012, we've been poking fun at generals, lieutenants, and everyone in between while helping military members and civilians think critically about national security through satire and humor. This guide exists to help you write stories that belong here.

Duffel Blog is a parody of a news organization, and it's important that we mimic a traditional newsroom as closely as possible. Our writing style borrows directly from the AP Style Guide that the rest of the news media works from, with minor tweaks.

Part of what makes Duffel Blog so funny is that it reads as close to real news as possible — newspaper-style headlines, news writing, and never, ever breaking the fourth wall to inform the reader this is satire.

To our fan base and beyond, the jokes are far funnier when delivered by a pretentious messenger that considers itself the greatest news organization of all time. That's why our tagline has long been "The American Military's Most-Trusted News Source."

Why have a style guide?

It provides a framework for editors and contributors to work from, shortening the editorial process and getting stories published faster with less editing required. That means less frustration for everyone and higher-quality articles for our readers.

Read this guide before your first submission. Reference it when you're stuck. Everything you need is on this page.

Good satire works because it starts with something real. The best Duffel Blog stories take a genuine observation about military life — the pointless formations, the leadership by PowerPoint, the E-4 Mafia — and push it one step further into absurdity.

The key distinction: satire is not just "saying something ridiculous." There needs to be a recognizable truth underneath the joke. When a reader laughs, they should also be nodding. Yeah, that's exactly how it is.

What separates good satire from bad

The two-second test

After reading your story, ask: "Would this fool someone scrolling through their phone for about two seconds?" If yes, you're on the right track. The gold standard is when someone shares your story thinking it's real. That's not because we're trying to spread misinformation — it's because the satire is landing exactly where it should: right at the edge of believability.

Know what you're satirizing

The best writers at Duffel Blog have lived the experience they're writing about. They know which formations are pointless, which briefings are theater, which policies make no sense. If you don't understand the thing you're satirizing, the joke won't land.

Commit to the bit

The biggest mistake new writers make is hedging. They write a premise that's 80% committed and then soften it. Don't. If your headline says "Captain leaves lieutenant unattended in parked car," the story better read exactly like a news report about a child left in a car. All the way through. No flinching.

Knowing how to write in AP style will make your stories look right. These techniques will make them funny.

The Rule of Three

Two items set a pattern. The third breaks it. This is the most reliable structure in comedy writing and you'll use it constantly.

The first two items should sound normal. The third should be the punchline. The pattern works because the reader's brain expects a continuation — and instead gets a left turn.

Escalation

Start plausible. Get progressively more absurd. Each paragraph should raise the stakes slightly. This is how you build a story that pulls the reader forward.

A lot of new writers go full absurd in paragraph one and have nowhere to go. If your opening line is the craziest thing in the story, the rest is a letdown. Build the escalation. Let the reader ride it up.

Specificity

Fake stories feel real because of specific details. Vague writing reads as lazy. Specific writing reads as credible — and credible is funny.

Unit numbers, base names, dates, ages, job titles — these are free credibility. Use them. It costs you nothing and makes the satire land harder.

The Kicker

Your last line matters. A lot of new writers build to a decent middle and then just... stop. The closing line of a Duffel Blog story should be one of the strongest moments — ideally a devastating throwaway detail that recontextualizes the whole piece, or a quote so perfectly absurd it sticks with the reader.

"At press time" is a classic closer format. It lets you drop one final absurd detail as a throwaway. Use it when it fits.

The Straight Man

Every absurd situation needs at least one sane person reacting to it. The straight man is the character who sees the insanity for what it is — and their reaction is often the funniest part.

The straight man grounds the story. Without one, the whole piece can feel like it's floating in space. With one, the reader has someone to identify with — and the contrast between their sanity and everyone else's insanity is what generates the laugh.

Irony and Understatement

The military already speaks in euphemism and understatement. "Kinetic engagement" means a firefight. "Leadership opportunities" means extra work for no extra pay. "Voluntold" isn't even satire — it's just vocabulary.

This makes military culture perfect source material for irony. The gap between what the institution says and what it means is where most Duffel Blog stories live.

When in doubt, understate. A deadpan description of something catastrophic will always be funnier than screaming about it.

They're cliché, often racist, and usually not very funny. Not every Asian person wears stereotypical clothing, and not all white people are defined by anecdotal behavior. Stereotypes are lazy writing.

Use archetypes instead

An archetype is a universal character flaw that most people can quickly understand. It's Will Ferrell playing a man-child in Step Brothers, a snobby person at a concert, the know-it-all IT guy, the trickster, or the bumbling authority figure.

And then there's the lost lieutenant. Poor little guy. He's the ultimate archetype punching bag.

Archetypes are not stereotypes. Stereotypes are Archetypes gone wrong, when a foreign people or, worse, an oppressed minority population, are characterized with cruel or offensive traits. Archetypes, on the other hand, are universal, and aren't specific to any race or nationality. Stereotypes, like clichés, should never be used in comedy. They're a red flag to readers, signifying bad writing. The only justifiable reason to use stereotypes in comedy is when you're making fun of them, or of people who use them, or otherwise deconstructing or commenting on them in an enlightened way.

— Scott Dikkers, co-founder of The Onion

Headline writing is especially important in the digital age. There are so many places on the internet competing for people's attention, and Duffel Blog is competing with the entire web.

Still, we're a newsletter so every reader should be seeing every story, right? Wrong. Many ignore headlines they dislike. So every headline needs to grab a reader and scream: Open this email. It's worth your time.

A good Duffel Blog headline pulls someone in and immediately gets a laugh. In hardly any instance is it wise to save the joke for the story. The headline is what inspires a person to click through and read.

If you need to explain a headline in order for someone to get it, it's not going to cut it. Headlines should always be formatted like a news outlet with a setup and a punchline.

What makes a headline funny?

Funny is subjective, but the best comedy writers tend to write for a wide audience. Our headlines should be accessible to everyone. A Marine should be able to read a headline about soldiers and still get the joke, and vice versa.

Setup and punchline

Let's break down some headlines that worked:

Key takeaways

• Start with a solid premise accessible to a large audience
• Make the joke in the headline — don't save it for the story
• Use a setup and a punchline, like any joke
• Use as few words as possible — aim for 70–90 characters, never more than 140

Great headlines

Bad headlines

Formatting headlines

Sentence case. Capitalize the first word and proper nouns. That's it.

Lead with the news. Use active language and get to the point.

Avoid profanity in headlines unless absolutely necessary. Not forbidden, but default to clean.

Single quotes for quotations in headlines, not double quotes.

Story format types

Different formats require different headline approaches:

Abbreviations and acronyms

Don't use acronyms in headlines that will be difficult for readers to grasp. We're read by all military services and civilians. If you're referencing something like TRADOC, use "Army Training Command" instead.

Some acronyms are universally understood (FBI, AWOL) and are fine in headlines. Inside a story, spell out on first reference, then abbreviate. But don't go overboard — use plain language when you can.

Civilian titles

Capitalize before a name. Lowercase after.

Military service members

Use proper terminology. Never use "U.S." before a service unless the story mentions a foreign military.

Military ranks

Use rank and full name on first reference. Drop the rank entirely on later references. Always use AP style abbreviations — never use military shorthand like SGM, CPT, or LtCol.

If you refer back to someone by their title, spell it out: "the sergeant major." Shorthand like "the Sgt. Maj." is wrong.

Quotations

Punctuation goes inside the quote. Use quotes to add color and break up the story — but keep them concise. Don't use three sentences for a quote.

Always lead the sentence with the quote. Use said in almost every case. Words like "exclaimed" or "remarked" belong in novels, not news writing.

States

In headlines, use US without periods. In stories, use U.S. Spell out state names when they stand alone. Abbreviate when preceded by a city name or referencing a politician.

Formatting rules

Every Duffel Blog story is a news story first and a comedy piece second. The joke lives inside the format, not outside it. If you strip away the humor, the structure should still read like an AP wire story.

The lead

Your first paragraph (the "lede" in news speak) should accomplish two things: deliver the news and land the first joke. Front-load the information. Don't bury it.

Inverted pyramid

AP style uses the inverted pyramid: the most important information comes first, with details filling in below. This isn't just a journalism convention — it's what makes satire work. Readers need to understand the fake news before they can laugh at it.

Maintaining the voice

Duffel Blog's voice is the deadpan news reporter. We are not comedians. We are journalists who happen to cover things that are absurd.

Write as though you genuinely believe the story you're telling. The moment you wink at the reader — with an exclamation point, a "LOL," or any indication that you know this is funny — the spell breaks.

Using quotes

Every story needs at least one or two quotes. These are your opportunity to add color, personality, and another punchline. Quotes should sound like something a real person would say — just a little off.

Keep quotes concise. One to two sentences max. Use them to break up paragraphs and add a second voice to the story.

Story length

Most Duffel Blog stories are 300–500 words. Some run longer, but not by much. Every sentence should earn its place. If a paragraph doesn't add to the joke or advance the news story, cut it.

You're writing for an audience reading on their phone, probably while pretending to pay attention to something else. Respect their time.

Datelines

Most Duffel Blog stories open with an AP-style dateline: the location in all caps, followed by the state abbreviation, an em-dash, and the opening sentence. This is one of the details that makes us look like a real news outlet.

Use the base or city name, AP-style state abbreviation, em-dash, then straight into the lede. Large cities that stand alone in AP style (Washington, Baghdad, etc.) don't need a state.

Character names

The names you give your characters matter more than you think. A believable name sells the story. A goofy name kills it.

Punny or joke names break the fourth wall. Use names that sound like real people you might have served with. The humor comes from the situation, not from a name that winks at the audience.

Topical vs. evergreen

There are two kinds of Duffel Blog stories: topical (tied to something in the news cycle) and evergreen (timeless military humor that works any day of the year).

Evergreen stories are the backbone of Duffel Blog. Topical stories drive traffic spikes. Both are valuable, but if you're new, start with evergreen — you'll have more time to get it right, and the story won't expire while it's being edited.

Never break the fourth wall

This is the most important rule. At no point should the story acknowledge that it is satire. No disclaimers. No winking asides. No "just kidding." We are Duffel Blog, the American military's most-trusted news source, and we report the news with a straight face.

Every published story needs a featured image. We use photos from military and government sources, which are generally in the public domain.

Where to find photos

• DVIDS (Defense Visual Information Distribution Service) — your primary source
• Official DoD photo galleries
• Military branch Flickr accounts
• Wikimedia Commons for equipment, bases, etc.

Choosing the right photo

The photo should support the story without giving away the joke. Look for images that are:

• Relevant to the branch or topic
• Unintentionally funny in context (a serious-looking general works great for absurd stories about generals)
• High resolution — it needs to look professional

Captions and credits

Photo captions follow AP style. Describe what's actually in the photo — don't extend the joke into the caption.

These are the things we see most often from new contributors. Avoiding them will dramatically improve your acceptance rate.

Here's how the process works from pitch to publication.

What if an editor doesn't "get it"?

Perhaps you owe us money and we're having a hard time being objective about a dirty, thieving jerk like you. But if we say a story probably isn't worth publishing, you are always free to make a case in response. Sometimes the rejection process is enough to get clarity and the author can write a different version. Other times, stories stay dead. But it's okay to push back. We will listen.

Time-sensitive stories

If your story is about something currently in the news cycle — Russia just invaded somewhere, perhaps, or a politician just said something outrageous — notify an editor immediately.

Duffel Blog pays contributors for published stories. Payment details and rates are shared with accepted writers during onboarding.

Questions about payment? Reach out to editor@duffelblog.com.