This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Latest dispatches
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Point/counterpoint: West Point is outdated and aristocratic vs. Why is this enlisted man speaking in my presence?
The following is a discussion between Army Spc. Travis Bales, an 11B infantryman with 3 combat deployments, who will present the point. The rebuttal is offered by Maj. Jack Rogers,
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Syrian Kurds: If you’re going to f*ck us, could you at least buy us dinner?
KOBANE, Syria — The leadership of the Syrian Democratic Council has demanded the United States at least buy the Kurdish people of northeast Syria dinner before fucking them so hard. The
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First Space Force base named after Confederate general for some reason
FORT NATHAN BEDFORD FORREST, Moon – Space Force Planners announced the first space force base would be named after a confederate general for “reasons,” a Pentagon press release announced Monday. “In
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REVEALED: ‘Stranger things‘ season 3 filmed at Ft Bragg
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Producers of the popular Netflix series Stranger Things surprised have revealed that they filmed most of the show’s third season at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, as
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Haunted Navy lodge room still worth the rate
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Sources at the Navy Lodge on North Island have reported multiple sightings of terrifying apparitions and demonic sounds coming from Room 453. However with a beautiful balcony
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U.S. General blessed the rains down in AFRICOM
CAMP LEMONNIER, Djibouti — Gen. Stephen Townsend visited the continent whose US forces he commands for the annual blessing of the rains down in AFRICOM. “The US Army has a long
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Breastfeeding infant court-martialed for putting his SIPR on the NIPR
QUANTICO, Va. — After severely mishandling of extremely sensitive physical matter, 9-month-old Tyler Stevenson will be tried before a court martial convened by the Marine Corps' top brass.
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Equal opportunity drone kills combatants and civilians indiscriminately
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon has unveiled a new drone, the EO-9 Justice Warrior. The platform comes equipped with a suite of advanced optics that renders it unable to distinguish between
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Op-ed: You can't have a terrorist training camp without monkey bars!
Salaam Alaikum, Brothers, I see you've completed the training facility just in time for the latest group of shahid to arrive. Let's see: bayonet course ... check.
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Leadership class changes everyone’s lives after one guy just keeps talking
YORKTOWN, Va.— In an amazing display of brilliance, a leadership training course held at the Coast Guard Yorktown Training Base on Monday went over time when one super smart and
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Master Sgt. beats discrimination charge by proving he hates everyone equally
FORT IRWIN, California — Army Master Sgt. Matthew Lowe made history today after clearing his name in a landmark discrimination case with an unlikely defense—he hates everyone equally. "Am
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Army prohibits marriage for 18-year-old soldiers
FORT BRAGG. N.C. — Army Chief of Staff Gen. James McConville has officially forbidden soldiers 18- to 20-years old from getting married while in the Army. The decision results
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Contractor promoted from jeans and T shirt to polo and khakis
NORFOLK, Va. — A Navy contractor was promoted from wearing a dirty t-shirt and jeans to polo and khakis, sources report. “I'm allowed to shop at the store
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Heavy CG: New Coast Guard weight rules make other services jealous
CAPE MAY, N.J. — The Coast Guard’s newly adopted weight standards will allow members to be just fat enough to make people from other services jealous and wish they
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Historic first! Female Infantry private marries male stripper in Killeen, TX
KILLEEN, Texas — Pfc. Brayden Taylor made military history when she became one of the first female recruits to pass Infantry training and earn the coveted blue cord. This week, the
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Marine crayon eating competition goes horribly wrong
CHERRY POINT, N.C. — Catastrophe has consumed Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point after a Marine died of crayon consumption, what sources call "one of the top three worst
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Pentagon text Kurds at 2 a.m. "U up?"
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon sent the Kurds an ambiguous message at 02:14 this morning, according to a source embedded in northern Syria. The text message, "U up?" is
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EOD tech loses 60 pounds instantly with this one weird trick!
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Al-Baghdadi blows himself up in ISIS VA parking lot
SYRIA — After being denied care for serious mental health issues at his local ISIS VA hospital, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi walked out to the parking lot and detonated
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ISIS to review toxic organizational culture after al-Baghdadi suicide
IDLIB, Syria – The remaining Islamic State senior leaders are looking inward to address reports of toxic organizational culture following news that their leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, killed himself this
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The six guys who hit on your wife at every Marine Corps Birthday Ball
We’ve all heard the saying “Trust a Marine with your life, not your wife.” Those words ring truest on November 10, when Marines gather to celebrate their branch’s
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Airline says servicemember families now receive triple miles for honor flights
ATLANTA, Ga. — Delta Airlines, the world’s second largest carrier, announced today that it would offer a promotion called “Thank You, Heroes” aimed at active duty personnel, military veterans, and
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Al Baghdadi confirms he has more virgins than Epstein in the afterlife
AL JANNAH (Heaven) — Earlier this week, former ISIS head Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi announced that he has obtained more virgins in the afterlife than fellow afterlifer Jeffery Epstein. The announcement
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Hero dog declines White House invitation
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The Trump administration announced this week Conan, the hero canine of the US raid that killed ISIS leader and austere religious scholar Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi,
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BREAKING! 22 veterans kill themselves everyday but Jeffrey Epstein didn't
WASHINGTON — In a shocking new report, the VA has released military suicide figures for active duty, reserves, and veterans while subtly mentioning that in no way did Jeffrey Epstein hang
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