This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Latest dispatches
The story feed
Page 37 of 178
Shop the Blackwater Friday sale for unbeatable prices on great Christmas war crimes!
KABUL – Blackwater, now known as Academi, will shock you and your and terrorists alike with their kick-in two doors, get one door kicked-in free “doorbuster deal” available now
1 min read
paid
Midway movie makes hating Japan cool again
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — The numbers are in from opening weekend, and Midway has captured America’s hearts as equally as it has rekindled a history of deep-seated racism against the
1 min read
paid
Coast Guard telethon kicks off fundraising season
WASHINGTON — Coast Guard officials are preparing for the looming government shutdown, or “fundraising season” as they now call it, with a celebrity-hosted telethon, sources confirmed today. “Other Homeland Security
1 min read
paid
Pentagon says tactical rollerblades only way to defeat China's growing fleet of vert ramps
HONOLULU — A new report from U.S. IndoPacific Command reveals harrowing details about China's growing fleet of vert ramps, which experts say can only be countered by heavy
1 min read
paid
Leg becomes airborne qualified
FORT BENNING, Ga. — Well, an actual prosthetic leg has managed to become Airborne qualified. The ceremony for said leg, which the Airborne Cadre affectionately referenced by its given name, “Fucking
1 min read
paid
Vet clothing co. Releases 'tactical bathrobe' for unemployed veteran operators
DURHAM, N.C. — Veteran-owned clothing company Ranger Up has released a first-of-its kind "Tactical Bathrobe" for customers who are unemployed veteran operators. According to the
1 min read
paid
Russia accidentally kills senior Islamic State leader while bombing hospital
DAMASCUS — On Saturday, Russian Air Force bombers killed a senior Islamic State facilitation leader named Hussain Junaid al-Amriki during an air raid on a hospital in Idlib Province, Syria.
1 min read
paid
Trump pardons Nidal Hassan
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has pardoned Ft. Hood shooter Nidal Hassan, his lawyers report. “Pathetic lawyers and courts are unfairly judging our men in uniform,” Trump tweeted earlier today. “These
1 min read
paid
PSYOP authorized to wear new tin foil berets
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The Psychological Operations community has long been known to be sort of weird. They have reached a new high, though, after finally receiving approval from the
1 min read
paid
Meet the Army’s elite, top-secret admin unit
FORT BENNING, Ga. — In 1972, a crack admin unit was issued a letter of reprimand by a military court for a clerical error they didn’t commit. These men promptly
2 min read
paid
NORAD tracking Satan for the holidays due to typo
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — NORAD will be tracking Satan for the holidays after a typo on an internal operations order diverted the beloved Santa-tracking program to describing the location of
1 min read
paid
Promotion ceremony has better cake than officers
FORT MEADE, Md. – A promotion ceremony held at the Officer’s Club had better cake than leadership, attendees confirmed Tuesday. “(Newly Promoted) Lt. Col. Rogers pinned on his forth review,
1 min read
paid
Top barracks lawyers weigh in on impeachment hearings
WASHINGTON — Impeachment fever is sweeping the nation and the military’s most vocal barracks lawyers are providing confident, baseless, and often unsolicited commentary on the House impeachment hearings in both
2 min read
paid
Duffel Blog endorses Tulsi Gabbard: A symbol of our batshit crazy veterans
Americans increasingly respect and revere our nation's veterans, and after two decades of non-stop wars many veterans have returned the favor and moved on from military service
2 min read
paid
Trump overturns extra duty for three E-4s who were late for formation
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has intervened on behalf of three Fort Bragg soldiers who found themselves in trouble recently. Spc. Willis Kerstetter, Michael Mills, and Hector Tapia—each assigned to
1 min read
paid
Kurds oppose pardoning Turkey at Thanksgiving
MOSUL, Iraq — A spokesman for Kurds in Syria and northern Iraq voiced some of the most fiercely anti-U.S. sentiments to date by condemning President Trump’s probable pre-
1 min read
paid
Cold weather training canceled due to snowstorm
ANCHORAGE, Ak. — Cold weather endurance and survival training were recently canceled for a battalion of the 3d Cavalry Regiment due to a snowstorm that hit the Anchorage area. “According to
2 min read
paid
Coast Guard asks to crash on Navy’s couch 'just for a little while'
2 min read
paid
Impeachment bombshell: Col. Mustard testimony puts Trump in the library with candlestick
WASHINGTON – The House Intelligence Committee called upon Col. Mustard to testify last Tuesday in the hearings related to President Donald Trump's impeachment. Mustard, a career Army officer and
1 min read
paid
Commander adds your mom’s house to off-limits establishments list
YOUR MOM’S HOUSE — A spokesman for the garrison command team confirmed this week that, among other updates to the Off Limits Establishment list, your mom’s house has been
1 min read
paid
Legal update: The top 16 crimes you won’t get pardoned for!
Dick Scuttlebutt is Duffel Blog’s legal correspondent, and has degrees in both Legality and Legonomy from East Dickhole State University. Go Manticores! Disclaimer: Dick Scuttlebutt is not certified by
2 min read
paid
New SEAL trident will depict eagle taking selfie with corpse
THE PENTAGON – Acting Secretary of the Navy Thomas Modly announced today that the Navy will change its special warfare insignia, widely known as the “SEAL trident,” from an eagle holding
1 min read
paid
New joint cyber camo just pixelated dicks
FORT MEADE, Md. — The Defense Department unveiled its first joint utilities uniform, approved for all service members staffing cyber missions. The "Combined Uniform Camouflage" pattern breaks with the
1 min read
paid
Trump asks for declaration of war on Settlers of Catan
MYSTICAL ISLAND OF CATAN – President Donald Trump asked Congress to declare war on the Settlers of Catan, sources report. The dispute began when the president’s hopes of building the
1 min read
paid
Point/counterpoint: Participation trophies are for the weak/thank me for my service!
The following are essays penned by Jason Wiseman, a mid-level logistics coordinator for a major corporation and former Army Air Defense Artillery officer who served five years in the
2 min read
paid
