This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Latest dispatches
The story feed
Page 42 of 178
DoD quietly pulls bat tartare MRE from circulation
WASHINGTON — Everyone's favorite MRE will no longer be available a Pentagon spokesperson admitted in a press conference yesterday. There have been no incidents with the bat tartare entree,
1 min read
paid
“Hard times don’t last, hard men do” says visibly erect Sgt. Maj.
FORT HOOD, Texas — In a speech to his assembled battalion Tuesday, Sgt. Maj. Wade Thompson of the First Sustainment Brigade, First Cavalry Regiment, emphasized to his Soldiers that they must
1 min read
paid
Coast Guard boat crashing through waves is having a f*cking blast!
CAPE DISAPPOINTMENT — Witnesses in the southwestern corner of Washington state have reported that a 47-foot Coast Guard vessel was last seen having the time of its fucking life crashing
1 min read
paid
North Korea orders nonessential military personnel to starve from home
PYONGYANG, North Korea — Multiple sources have reported that the North Korean government abruptly ordered “all nonessential military personnel” to starve from home for the foreseeable future in light of mounting
1 min read
paid
F-35 tests positive for Coronavirus
EDWARDS AIR FORCE BASE, California — As the saga of seemingly never-ending problems plaguing the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter Program continues, things took took an unexpected turn this past
1 min read
paid
Homebound colonel creates Telework center of excellence
FORT LIVING ROOM—The army announced it would stand up the Teleworking Center of Excellence by the end of the month, sources at Army Training and Doctrine Command (TRADOC) report.
2 min read
paid
Space War College struggles to find applicable Clausewitz readings
PETERSON AFB, Colo. — The faculty of the newly founded Space War College is finding it difficult to slip the surly bonds of Earthly doctrine. For generations, senior service colleges have
1 min read
paid
Army announces first ever female PowerPoint Ranger
FORT BENNING, Ga. — Capt. Lynnette Diogo made history this week when she became the Army’s first ever female PowerPoint Ranger. Diogo, a West Point graduate, is currently the Assistant
1 min read
paid
Point/counterpoint: Lt. Gen. Laura Richardson should do her job vs. Mrs. Richardson should do more for her husband’s FRG
Photo Credit: U.S. Army The following regards the involvement of Lieutenant General Laura Richardson, a dual-military spouse, in her husband’s Family Readiness Group. The point is presented
2 min read
paid
Jade helm 2020 canceled over COVID-19 concerns
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Concerns over the COVID-19 pandemic have derailed Deep State plans to use Army special operations forces to invade the southwestern region of the United States
1 min read
paid
Mysterious hero emerges to fight toxic leadership, COVID-19
THE PENTAGON — Reports have emerged of a mysterious hero fighting COVID-19—as well as toxic leadership across the Department of Defense. The hero, known only as "Captain C&
1 min read
paid
Expert land navigator can’t find his girlfriend’s g-spot
FORT BRAGG, N.C. —Expert land navigator and platoon leader First Lt. Keith Knoll is lost on the hunt for his girlfriend’s g-spot, sources say. Lt. Knoll reportedly
1 min read
paid
Colonels gone Wild—War college spring break stirs anger in Florida
PANAMA CITY, FL — High ranking military officers are hitting the beach this week despite concerns about COVID-19. A time-honored tradition for future generals, spring break this year instead
1 min read
paid
E-4 Mafia designates Sergeant majors nonessential personnel
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — The E-4 Mafia announced today they have designated sergeants major, command sergeants major, and first sergeants as nonessential personnel for the remainder of the COVID-19
1 min read
paid
Sergeant Major can't decide whether to solve COVID-19 crisis with uniform inspections or haircuts
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A local Marine sergeant major was torn today over whether he should solve the global COVID-19 pandemic with uniform inspections or haircuts, sources report. "
1 min read
paid
Report: Moving companies selling your personal goods to offset PCS freeze
WASHINGTON — The Defense Department’s temporary halt to military moves could has left thousands of moving company workers unemployed. To offset the losses, companies are resorting to selling everyone’s
1 min read
paid
Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps says he can quit getting haircuts whenever he wants
THE PENTAGON — Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps Troy E. Black screamed at the press today during a conference, saying, “I can quit getting haircuts whenever I want!” The outburst
1 min read
paid
Princess cruises offers Navy tips on Coronavirus
SAN DIEGO — A representative of Princess Cruises has met with the U.S. Navy Pacific fleet to share what the cruise ship operator has learned about Coronavirus in the past
1 min read
paid
Pentagon awards landmine contract to LEGO group
PENTAGON — The Department of Defense has announced an agreement with the LEGO Group, which will begin manufacturing the next generation of landmines for use on the Korean peninsula. "This
1 min read
paid
I was wearing a facemask for years before it was cool
I am watching all of you suddenly embrace the latest trend, which is a full-face mask which conceals your chin, mouth and nose. I just want all of you
2 min read
paid
Pentagon tells senior leaders to limit sexual harassment to texts and email
WASHINGTON — In an effort to protect service members from the COVID-19 pandemic, Pentagon officials have directed senior Army leaders to limit their sexual harassment of junior soldiers to texts
1 min read
paid
Furloughed CIF worker really misses treating soldiers like absolute garbage
KLEBER KASERNE, Kaiserslautern, Germany—Furloughed GS employee Molvin Pootnose has been dealing with the worldwide COVID-19 isolation restrictions better than most. He’s taken up origami, embarked on a
2 min read
paid
Veteran supports nurse friend with care package of chewing tobacco, porn
DAVIDSONVILLE, Md. — To support his friend who is a nurse working during the COVID-19 pandemic, local veteran Drew McGann has been sending her care packages filled with chewing tobacco
1 min read
paid
Army to combat COVID-19 by ignoring it, punishing soldiers who follow testing directives
FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas — In the face of the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic, with confirmed cases on every military installation, Army leaders have taken decisive action aimed at preserving individual
3 min read
paid
Unit with spartan mascot hesitant to wear face masks
FORT BRAGG, N.C. – The Sgt. Maj. of 2-354th “Spartan” Battalion announced today during an ill-advised formation that wearing face masks in uniform did not represent the traditions
1 min read
paid
