Marine Lance Corporal Tries To Attack Japan After Watching ‘Pearl Harbor’ Movie

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KANEOHE BAY, HI – A Marine stationed aboard Marine Corps Base Hawaii recently went on a personal mission to attack Japan.

Lance Corporal James Vanhue, of 1st Battalion, 3rd Marines, described as a “warrior drinker” by his platoon, went on a drunken bender that started on Friday night.

His latest vendetta, against the tiny island nation, began in his barracks room. As he drank what he called “a ridiculous amount of beer” and watched the 2001 film “Pearl Harbor”, he became enraged.

“I can’t believe Danny died,” as he took another swig of Budweiser and sobbed. “These damn Japs [sic] need to pay!”

His roommate, Lance Corporal Jason Evers, tried to calm him with a history lesson.

“Dude. It happened like, 60 something years ago. We already whooped their ass.”

Unfortunately Vanhue would not listen. As the credits came across the screen, the Lance Corporal went to his wall locker.



“I’ve got to pack my gear,” he said, as he shoved throwing stars, an entrenching tool, and extra socks in his ruck sack. After packing, he donned his helmet and flak jacket and headed to the armory. But amazingly, even in his drunken stupor, he didn’t forget his eye-pro.

Now on his 18th beer in less than an hour, Vanhue was thought to be delirious. Since it was almost midnight, the armory was closed down and locked, but it didn’t deter the drunken Marine.

“I’ve gotta get my M4 and then it’s payback time, son.”

Although Vanhue tried his best to break into the armory, the MP’s showed up minutes later, and placed him under arrest.

“It’s always something new on this job,” said military policeman Sergeant Ian Wright, “whether it’s a drunk naked grunt jumping into the creek, paintball wars in barracks rooms, or Marines trying to fight 60 year old wars.”

Ironically, Lance Corporal Vanhue is currently being held at the Brig at Pearl Harbor Naval Base.

Paul

Paul is a former Marine grunt with eight years of experience -- specializing in snapping necks and cashing checks. He enjoys blowing things up, making people laugh, and hardcore gangster rap music.